The Stop, Think, & Act Strategy is a helpful emotion regulation skill, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or tempted to act on impulse. It’s all about teaching yourself to pause, check in with what’s going on, and make a thoughtful choice instead of reacting automatically. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to feel more in control, lower your stress, and communicate your needs more clearly with others. You can also make this strategy work better for you by figuring out which coping tools actually help you in the moment—there’s no one-size-fits-all. Visualizing a stop sign or traffic light can also help as a reminder to pause and use this skill in the moment.
Step One: STOP (Pause & Check In)
STOP helps prevent impulsive reactions and gives you time to assess your emotions before acting.
🔹 Identify how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way
- Ask yourself: What emotion am I experiencing? Check out https://feelingswheel.com/ to explore your feelings more and pinpoint more specific emotions. This can also help to get more into the root of your feelings when a more surface emotion (such as anger) arises. Try to identify the trigger to the emotion and if difficult thoughts are making the emotion more intense. Sometimes it can help to step back from the situation to see the bigger picture and have a new perspective before reacting in the moment.
🔹Try a coping skill to work towards calming down if you are feeling dysregulated emotionally. If you need a time-out from a difficult interaction, communicate this and plan to return to the conversation if needed in the near future.
These skills need to be practiced beforehand to be most effective in the difficult moment. Here are some examples to try:
Physical Coping Skills (For when your body feels tense or overwhelmed)
- Deep breathing (4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8)
- Progressive muscle relaxation (Tense and relax each muscle group or find a progressive muscle relaxation video to follow on YouTube)
- Taking a short walk or stretching
- Squeezing a stress ball or fidget toy
- Holding something cold (ice cube, cold water bottle) to reset your focus
- Running hands under warm or cool water
Cognitive Coping Skills (For when your mind is racing or overthinking)
- Counting backwards from 10
- Repeating a calming mantra (“I am safe,” “This will pass”)
- Imagining a peaceful and safe place (ex. beach, forest, a favorite nature spot)
- Reframing thoughts (“What if this is not as bad as I think?”)
- Naming five things you see around you to stay present
Emotional Coping Skills (For when feelings are overwhelming)
- Writing down your thoughts in a journal or a notes app on your phone
- Talking to a trusted person about your feelings
- Listening to calming or upbeat music
- Watching a funny video to shift emotions
- Drawing, coloring, or doing something creative
Sensory Coping Skills (For grounding in the moment and self-soothing)
- Using aromatherapy (lavender, peppermint, etc.)
- Wrapping up in a soft blanket or hugging a pillow
- Grab a favorite fidget or sensory toy
- Drinking a warm beverage (tea, hot chocolate)
- Doing the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:
- 5things you see
- 4things you can touch
- 3things you hear
- 2 things you smell
- 1 thing you taste
Step 2: THINK (Assess & Plan)
This step helps toevaluate the situation logically and choose the best course of action.
🔹 What is the size of the problem? Does my reaction match?
- Is this a small problem(inconvenience, minor annoyance)?
- Is this a medium problem(frustrating, but manageable)?
- Is this a big problem(serious situation requiring significant action)?
- Am I reacting in proportion to the problem? (For example, yelling over a spilled drink would be an overreaction.)
🔹 Is this in or out of my control?
- If it’s in mycontrol, what steps can I take to fix it?
- If it’s outof my control, how can I let it go or shift my focus?
🔹 Am I being a flexible thinker?
- Can I see this situation from different perspectives?
- Is there another way to handle this that I haven’t considered?
🔹 How can I solve this problem?
- What are my options?
- What is the best solution that won’t make things worse?
- If I’m unsure about what to do, who can I ask for help?
Step 3: ACT (Respond & Move Forward)
This step encourages thoughtful, effective responses rather than impulsive reactions.
🔹 Solve the problem – Ask for help if needed
- Choose the best solution and take action.
- If necessary, ask someone for guidance (a friend, family member, therapist, etc.).
🔹 Be a flexible thinker
- If your first solution doesn’t work, try another approach.
- Remind yourself: Not everything goes as planned, and that’s okay.
🔹 Make sure your reaction matches the size of the problem
- Keep emotions in check—avoid escalating a minor issue into a bigger one.
- Use self-reflection afterward: Did I handle that well? What could I do differently next time?
Example Scenario
Situation:You text a friend, and they don’t reply for hours. You start feeling upset.
🔴 STOP– I feel frustrated and hurt. Why? Because I feel ignored. I need to practice my deep breathing skill and not jump to conclusions. I recognize that I’m feeling tense and will practice progressive muscle relaxation.
🟡 THINK– Is this a big problem or a small problem? Small—I don’t know why they haven’t replied. Maybe they’re busy. Is this in my control? No, but I can choose how I respond.
🟢 ACT– Instead of sending an angry text, I’ll wait and distract myself. If they don’t reply by tomorrow, I can check in with a friendly message. I can discuss these feelings more with my therapist and explore more what triggered this response.
Try your own examples:
🔴 STOP–
🟡 THINK–
🟢 ACT–
🔴 STOP–
🟡 THINK–
🟢 ACT–
🔴 STOP–
🟡 THINK–
🟢 ACT–
Remember, this skills takes practice and review before a difficult situation arises. Try out different coping skills daily so that they are ready in your toolbox as needed! Not all of them will work for you so try out different ones and adjust to fit your personal needs.
Comment below: What are your favorite coping skills to use to help with difficult emotions?
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